CRLINKLED FOG

Depression Confession

It’s like living in two different sets of time and space;by turns, I cycle through two little lives. One clearly faces many people, flourishingand varied, and the other is only open to me, chaotic and changing.

A vital young person, an independent photographer, a goodfamily member, a… I would describe myself with all of the adjectives anyonecould think of. But sometimes, I battle depression. Insomnia, loss of appetite,and loss of vitality… I really want to embrace it, but I also want to stopbefore I careen over the edge.

“The momentyou realize that you’re happy is the moment it begins to slip away.” Manypeople think that depression is simply feeling despair or sadness, like when thelittle things in life make you unhappy—unhappiness at a receding hairline caused by stress at work, or unhappiness at the cooling of a passionate romance… In fact,depression is still feeling that sadness even though everything is going well. It’s like being caught in a whirlpool or blanketed by a huge shadow.

Writing these words was not easy, and when I was shootingthis series and talking with friends, I tried to avoid these topics. Everyone hasthe right to feel sad and be swallowed by that sadness, and people who have notexperienced it cannot fully understand it.

Frankly saying what I wanted to say, bringing it out intothe open, would be difficult for anyone. However, I admire the courage and confidence of the girls who sought me out. They unreservedly took off their social disguises; they relaxed and told me about their personal experiences,which represented sincere confidence and reassurance for me.

Despite this, we cannot escape that depression in young people is a common issue today.

—Zhang Yateng